Deal Flow Blues: Time to Get Back to Those Pitch Decks
So, the deal pipeline is flowing again, and your PowerPoint is calling. No more pretending your VPN is “having connection issues” when the MD texts, no more midday naps between Christmas cookies, and definitely no more ignoring those post-merger integration plans that have been piling up in your inbox.
It’s time to get back to work.
I know, it’s a terrifying thought after spending days wearing your $400 cashmere loungewear, demolishing your holiday gift basket from your mom, and actually seeing your family for more than 15 minutes at a time. But unfortunately, deals wait for no one, and unlike Santa, you don’t get to deliver just one day a year.
The first time your 6 AM alarm goes off, you’ll probably mistake it for a client’s urgent request in your nightmare. That’s right – your body has forgotten what it’s like to wake up before the morning investment committee meeting.
So, now what?
Reset Your Deal Clock
Research shows that a week of irregular sleep and consuming nothing but champagne and caviar can induce what analysts call ‘banker’s lag.’ Going to bed at 3 AM after binge-watching Yellowstone isn’t going to work anymore. You’ll spend most of the day mainlining espresso, staring blankly at precedent transaction analyses, and snapping at first-year analysts about their comps formatting. Time to dust off that pre-holiday routine of 6 AM wake-ups and midnight model revisions.
Upgrade Your Playlist
Nothing beats post-holiday depression like a killer soundtrack. Time to put that Christmas bonus to good use and create the ultimate “Back to Banking” playlist. Because let’s face it, you’re going to need something more energizing than Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” to get through those 100-page CIMs.
Tame the Inbox Beast
Opening your laptop to find 3,427 unread emails might make you wish you’d chosen a different career path. Instead of drafting your resignation letter or “accidentally” spilling coffee on your laptop, take a strategic approach. Dedicate your first two hours to triaging emails like you would handle a hostile takeover – ruthlessly and efficiently. Pro tip: Anything marked “Due Diligence Findings” probably shouldn’t wait until February.
Strategic Lunch Planning
Your first day back will feel longer than a fairness opinion appendix. Make it bearable by scheduling lunch with the colleagues you actually like. Yes, that $20 salad will taste like survival, but it’s better than stress-eating leftover Christmas cookies while updating your LBO model for the fifteenth time.
Master the Art of List-Making
Channel your deal-structuring skills into organizing your return. Create a hierarchy of tasks that would make your MD proud. Break down your objectives into tranches: Priority A (active deals/client deliverables), Priority B (pitch books due this week), and Priority C (everything you’ll probably push to the junior analysts).
Implement a Healthy Deal Strategy
Time to restructure those holiday indulgences. Switch the mulled wine for green juice and the Christmas cookies for protein bars. Your body is like a distressed asset right now – it needs a serious turnaround plan. Plus, you’ll need the energy for those late-night board presentation revisions.
Exit Strategy for Day One
Plan a reward for surviving your first day back. Whether it’s a premium whiskey tasting or a reservation at that impossible-to-book restaurant, having an end-of-day target will help you power through. Maybe even wear those holiday-gift cufflinks – they’ve been waiting patiently in their box while you’ve been wearing sweatpants.
Next Year’s Strategic Planning
Consider taking an extra day for personal portfolio management (aka recovery) before diving back in. Use it to organize your life, prep your wardrobe, or just lie on your overpriced couch reading Dealbook with your phone on silent. Let’s be honest – you’ll probably spend it trying to remember all your login passwords and crying over your deal timeline.
Share Your Survival Strategies
Have additional tips for surviving the post-holiday return to investment banking? Drop them in the comments below. Unless, of course, they involve material non-public information – in which case, maybe keep those to yourself.
